Before I start, for those wondering about my new life - apparently, I am a picture of health except the feet and heart. But all my tests results was good, so... And I'm doing okay myself, so moving on to The Vampire Diaries now.

PS - I really gotta find some more The Vampire Diaries icons.

The Vampire Diaries 5x07 Death and the Maiden

So, Bonnie's back, but perhaps the headline for this episode is that there is simply NO cool version of Stefan, because before the end Silas revealed himself to be as Stefan as Stefan. On the other hand, to my (I'll admit) surprise by the end of the episode Silas, Amara, AND Qetsiyah (aka Queen Q aka Tessa) are dead. Also, Katherine is dying, but that's not as dramatic as it sounds.

You see, Katherine spent roughly five hundred years as a vampire and now those years are catching up to her. Basically, the natural aging process is taking its course now - only it's happening more rapidly because it was delayed for roughly five hundred years. According to the Doctor who likes to experiment on vampires Katherine now has roughly two months. So it's a really bad time for the mother-daughter bonding Nadia wants to do. In the end Katherine hurts Nadia deeply, but may (or may not) have been a case of Katherine trying to spare Nadia the pain of watching her (Katherine) die. But since this is Katherine you just can't be sure.

Oh, and apparently once a vampire has been cured they can't even tolerate vampire blood for healing purposes, but I'll get to that in a bit. However, lets do this in the proper order:

In the beginning, Stefan is having trouble with nightmares, and you know I gotta give this one to Silas and Amara - both of them spent over 2000 years locked away stoned (as in made of not having a wicked 2000 party), yet Stefan is as emo as them after only spending the summer locked away with added drowning - I mean, I'll give him the endless drowning, but still time wise when Silas mocks him I gotta go with Silas. On the other hand, I gotta go with Stefan at the end when he reveals he's a Damon/Stefan/Elena shipper. Okay, maybe that didn't happen, but it was close.

Damon is still trying to get Silas to honor his word and bring Bonnie back BUT Silas is a Stefan/Elena shipper, and admits he'll get a bit of a kick making Damon break his promise to Elena, so that's a no-go. Damon (or rather the team) decide that if Silas won't help there is someone who might. Of course, this is after they realize Amara is crazy-pants because she exists on both sides the living and the other side at the same time. So, Damon gets the bright idea to play let's make a deal with Queen Q to make Bonnie the anchor and that way everyone can get what they want - Queen Q doesn't want Silas and Amara to end up together on the other side, and since Amara is apparently just a normal human once she's no longer the anchor she won't end up on the other side when she dies, but Silas is a witch so he would end up on the other side.

And during all this something occurred to me - I just can't figure out if the show (aka Queen Q) intended this or not. But for all those years Silas wouldn't die until he destroyed the other side so he could be with Amara, but all this time Amara existed in both, and probably more actively on the other. So Silas could've died at any time and found himself with Amara (though Queen Q would've also been there). It's quite clever of Queen Q, really, but I'm just not sure if the show (and therefore Queen Q) had actually considered all this.

Anyway, Queen Q is game, because her ultimate goal is to keep the cheaters (Silas and Amara) from being together in the after life. And the goal of Damon and the others is to have Bonnie back to life, so this is one of those deals where everyone gets what they want and everyone wins - unless you know you're Silas and Amara. But there's a problem - it takes a lot of power to switch the anchor, and there's no full moon or comet coming along soon. But don't worry, Q's got this - Mystic Falls can't stop crapping out doppelgängers, and doppelgänger blood is apparently powerful.

Now this is where the episode should've gotten tedious, because it kept wanting to fake you out and make you think Queen Q's new spell wasn't gonna work, but instead of coming off as tedious this all managed to work and be interesting.

Anyway, Queen Q gets her doppelgänger blood and starts the spell, but she's witch-blocked by Silas. Don't worry, because Stefan is here, and he really wants to kill Silas, so when Silas turns the lights out Stefan kidnaps Amara. So, of course, just as Silas is about to kill Queen Q and complete his ultimate boyfriend betrayal, Stefan gives him and call and says he has ten minutes to show otherwise Stefan is gonna make off with Amara and Silas will never ever see her again. So, of course, Silas drops Queen Q (though he leaves her with a big iron thingie in her chest, but apparently he was in a hurry, because Queen Q is pretty much fine) and charges off after Amara. And that's where he reveals he's as Stefan as Stefan.

So, he's pissed at Amara because upon waking the first thing she does is cut Silas so she can take the cure, because at this point all she wants is to die. After this he's been all "going to kill Amara," but now that they are face to face he can't do it. So, Stefan jumps him, and I'm not clear what happens - I got distracted by the fire alarm going off, because I wanted biscuits. No the biscuits didn't burn - they came out fine and was wonderful, but that fire alarm has a nasty habit of going off every damn time the oven is used at least when it's cold outside and somewhat chilly inside.

*coughs* Anyway, before that Elena finds Queen Q and gets her back on her feet to finish the spell while Caroline finds Katherine who's still bleeding so Caroline tries to heal her with her own vampire blood, but apparently vampires that have been cured will not tolerate vampire blood.

That's when Silas finds the bound and gagged Amara and they have the whole "I love you, but I'm done here" thing but while Silas is morphing into Stefan and being totally unable to kill Amara Stefan jumps Silas, but instead of just killing him he wants Silas to suffer... It kinda makes sense, but is also very dumb, because while Silas is no longer immortal he's still a rather powerful witch, but again Stefan wanting him to suffer kinda makes sense, except for the above and also for the fact that Silas has pretty much been suffering since cheating on Queen Q with Amara. while Stefan suffered a few months.

Anyway, I got lucky and had a moment to rewatch the scene and Silas uses witch-foo to knock Stefan on his ass, and then makes his point about how silly Stefan really is. During this time Amara unbinds herself, but she's too late because Stefan has stabbed Silas. Amara is not happy, but then something happens as she's trying to get to Silas -- It's Queen Q who's restarted the spell.

Amongst the chanting Elena wants Damon to go find Stefan because she knows Stefan is being stupid, but more importantly this show is trying to hammer the point about Silas/Amara FOREVER! So much so that even their clones gotta bang. Though Damon is all like "it's cool - Stefan is luring Silas away so the spell can be finished" and Elena's all "no, go find him," which is just anvil-y and also kinda pointless, but of course, Damon agrees to look while Queen Q continues with the spell.

Amara, on the other hand, has reached Silas and is happy, because now they can be together. Yep, she stabs herself, which freaks Damon the fuck out, and should've been one of those annoying fake-outs, but as I said somehow managed not to be. Also, the point about the cure and vampire blood is repeated here when Damon tries to feed Amara and fails because she can't tolerate the blood any better than Katherine did.

Also, it wasn't a very good fake-out, because despite Amara dying in Damon's arms, and Bonnie showing up to say goodbye, Queen Q keeps going with the spell, and she'd know if it was doomed, so her keeping going is what kept the fake-out from actually being a fake-out. Anyway, just as Jeremy and Bonnie are getting into saying goodbye - SURPRISE BONNIE IS BACK!

After the hugs, kisses, and puppies all around Katherine presents herself to Queen Q for her reward - Queen Q was supposed to cure her for her help here, but Queen Q reveals she's dying from killing herself, because she won and Silas/Amara lost - Amara won't be on the other side she'll be where ever dead humans go, while Silas will be trapped on the other side, which is a bonus for her because she can keep tormenting him FOREVER. She really does win, and I'm happier about that than I think I should be, but I've sorta been soured on Silas/Amara since the moment they revealed themselves to be cheaters. So, yeah, I'm honestly thrilled that she won, though a bit disappointed that she clearly hasn't heard that the best revenge (after, of course, actual revenge) is living well.
(But I am a bit sad that Katherine seems to be losing.)

Anyway, just after dying and leaving Katherine very very unhappy Queen Q appears to Bonnie and reveals the catch (and probably the main reason Amara was insane) as the anchor to the other side Bonnie's gonna feel every non-human-supernaturals death and it's gonna suck, or at least Queen Q says it's gonna suck, and considering Bonnie's reaction to Tessa passing I gotta say she probably wasn't lying.

The episode closes with Stefan revealing that killing Silas didn't work, because the truth is Elena and Damon was supposed to save him and they failed - ergo me thinking Stefan is a Damon/Stefan/Elena shipper. Hey, since this show has pretty much killed the Damon/Stefan almost not even subtext that made the books so good then I'll twist just about any damn thing this show gives me even if Elena has to be inserted.

Okay, not entirely true, the episode ends with Katherine breaking Nadia's heart, and unintentionally revealing to Caroline that she's Nadia's mother. But you know that last look on Nadia's face tells me that she might not have been fooled by Katherine's rant.

And, oops, lied again (though these are all endings to the stories of the episode), but the episode actually ends with Stefan alone digging Silas (and I assume Amara's) grave, and wondering why his pain is not over. Well, Stefan, what can I say you're a dumbass.