Okay, I suppose the main reason for both of these somewhat random thoughts re: Supernatural is because I'm sticking my head in the sand regarding my own life, though for some weird reason I am thinking a lot about my past (which while certain parts are depressing isn't as depressing as the present). Of course some of the latter comes from reading a certain gossip site and realizing that while maybe maybe I could see where they are coming from that I just really really find myself hoping for a certain outcome that isn't the outcome most on the gossip site are hoping for, because of reasons (that I'll go into momentarily).

*sigh* For the record while I was typing this I almost inserted a whole bit of my own personal history in the middle of it - I (obviously) deleted before posting because while I am apparently in the mood to think about it all and maybe even in a mood to share it all it really doesn't quite belong in a random Supernatural post.


Okay, basically I was going though rewatching certain season five episodes and realized that thing that hurts the character of John the most isn't young!John - I've just seen people saying young!John somehow makes older!John worse, but that never really felt right to me, because I could totally see a young!QueenetteFallon and old!QueenetteFallon having very extreme differences of opinion. Though sadly we've never come face to face, because I'd so totally want a chance to DO me. Yeah, that's right I'd totally fuck me.

*coughs* Sorry started to stray a bit off topic there. I blame my current musical selection. Yes, that's totally what it is. *grin*

Anyway, it's not young!John that truly and terribly fucks up/screws over the character of John - it's actually Adam. *sigh* Now I need a "Blame Adam" icon. NO WAIT! Come back and hear me out, I do have reasons.

Now obviously we never saw John interacting with Adam on screen, but from what we were told/shown about it on screen. Well, John's behavior re Adam vs his behavior toward Dean and Sam is what screws his character, because it means one of two things A) (and keep in mind this is the nicest) John didn't really give a damn about Adam and so was only throwing a token fatherhood gesture at Adam (and his mother). I could see this one because you could say that John didn't care enough about Adam and Mommy to prepare them for what's really out there - nor did he really try to protect them from it. But B) seems the more likely thing the show was going for is that by the time Adam was born (or at least he was told about Adam) he'd come to realize just how badly he'd fucked up raising Dean and Sam and so tried to do right (or right-ish) by Adam.

And for me that's worse then just not caring about Adam, but mostly that's because it fucks up the idea presented in the first season finale that John's mouth saying he's proud of Dean is what gave it away to Dean that John wasn't John. But it gets worse, because if John knew for that long he'd fucked up with Dean and Sam that means for that long he never tried to make things up with/to Dean and Sam, which makes him a giant flaming jackass!

Basically that's just one of these things where I knew I never liked Adam's introduction into the series, but basically blamed it on just not likely the character of Adam, though I was always conflicted on that because I never really could say why I didn't like Adam, and now I know why - it's because I actually didn't dislike Adam. And so out of the blue I've finally managed to work out what was really bothering me around the character of Adam and turns out it's not really anything about the character of Adam himself just what the character of Adam reveals about another character.


So, now having solved a personal mystery I shall move on now.


So, anyway if you don't know once upon a time I stumbled upon a certain gossip site where posters tend to sincerely believe that Jensen and Jared are most assuredly gay, but not just gay but in fact gay for each other. And I'll admit at moments I could maybe even see where they was coming from, I mean bearding and such does happen, though admittedly I don't personally like the almost sexual policing that goes on in that place, but that's neither here nor there (I suppose).

Anyway, as I said I'm not one for sexual policing and so since Jensen and Jared present themselves as straight I'm willing to give them the benefit of the doubt and go with the thought that they're straight, but that's not the reason I've started to recently really hope that they are actually straight (because honestly until recently I didn't really give two shits one way or another). And honestly I have no idea why I feel the need to share this except that I'm kinda bored and whatever I just feel like sharing, and apparently oversharing, because this is where my own personal history tried to spill out of my head and take over this post. But I've managed to trim it down to the relevant bits.

A) I am a bisexual who has actually had relationships with both sexes, but mostly B) I dated a gay man once who was... Well, I suppose you could say he was so far in the closet he was in Narnia, except there are times when I honestly think he really didn't know he was gay, which you'd think is impossible, and it really shoulda been since he was having relations with a dude at the time, but delusions can be powerful I suppose. Anyway, lets just say that was one big messy mess that could've been avoided entirely if someone (who's not me) hadn't been lying to themselves (not to mention others) about what they was, and so admittedly I have more then a few issues when it comes to the closet.
(There see I managed to keep it short, while first time around I think it ended up going for about ten pages, but that's because I ended up stumbling into other scenes from my past that actually had nothing to do with this. *sigh*)

Now admittedly until the Pada!baby I was willing to concede that perhaps it was a bearding agreement where all parties was fully in the loop, because yes that does happen and probably more often then people would believe (not that I believed that, but again I generally go along with what people present themselves as and leave it at that), and hey they're all adults, but then comes along a baby and so if parties are not straight then... Well, a baby is obviously not an adult that can make decisions a baby is just stuck with the consequences, and while others can somehow work the mental gymnastics to work around this I can't, because as I said a baby isn't an adult, and I'm sorry but I think it's just fucked up to bring a baby into a bearding thing so I most sincerely hope that is not what happened here.

But even then that's not really the only reason I find myself hoping they are straight - mostly I've just realized it's sorta... Well, have you ever had a moment where there's someone on your side who you really wish wasn't on your side? That's how I'd feel if after everything Jensen and Jared are actually gay. But that comes more from comments made by the two in question themselves then even the bringing of a baby into things. It's not even the being in the closet (if they actually are), but if you are gay and you know it (even if no one else, or only a few people know it) there's just some things you shouldn't say publically because when the truth comes out (and in my experience the truth always eventually always comes out) it's not gonna make you look good, in fact in some cases it can make you look like a giant flaming jackass.

I guess we can blame this mostly on my addiction to a certain site, because no matter how much I might want to I just cannot stop visiting. I am QueenetteFallon and I have a problem. No, seriously, even though I believe most of the stuff on that site to be mostly fiction it's like one of those fanfics (we've all come across those, right? RIGHT?) you stumble across that isn't very good, but is apparently good enough that you simply find yourself unable to actually stop reading the damn thing.


PS - I most sincerely hate LJ Cutting - I usually almost always have to end up editing because the damn cut rarely works properly for me the first time! UGH! Actually mostly there are times when I hate LJ entirely, because first it doesn't want to let me post and then it doesn't want to let me edit! UGH!